I know all I do is whine, and that's why nobody likes me. I'm sick and in a lot of pain right now. Perimenopause is making my cycle crazy. The last time I went five weeks between and the period wasn't too bad. This time I only went 26 days, I'm having abdominal cramps, I feel nauseated, and I'm extremely depressed. I wish this shit would just draw to a close, but apparently I could have 5-10 more years of it. What the hell do I need it for?
I sure don't understand these women that want to get pregnant in their 50's. I'm in my mid forties and if someone asked if I wanted another baby at this stage of life my answer to them would be "what the fuck are you, insane?"
Where are all the friends that used to talk to me?
All they ever told me was good news.
Yeah...
I am beyond disgusted with myself that I dream of the friend that was so vicious to me, about repairing that friendship, more than I dream about my own father. I think that's the lowest of the low and super desperate and just proves the creep's point that I'm just an emotionally immature little parasite.
I would never take him back as a friend anyway. But I guess the connection meant a great deal to me since I dream of repairing it all the time.
I hate myself.
7 comments:
Parasite? Two times in my life I was called a parasite. By the same person. First time the person was drunk and in despair and I thought okay it's the vino speaking fuck about my birthday what a present. The second time the person was still in despair, but sober. Later excuses and all. But I can not forget this.
So it would be nice, at least from my point of view, if you could stop hating and belittleing yerself.
Yeah, Its a shame, one can not even kick oneself on the web before one of these types comes by and tells one to behave, sad state of affaires.
Let's look at some demolition derby videos.
I guess I hadn't thought about the fact that maybe said person was off on a toot. They're rather an isolationist. One mutual friend referred to them as "prickly." That's kind of an understatement. Logically, I realize I don't need such people. I've had far too many of them in my life. Who needs an abuser?
I'd love to go to a demolition derby--I think I need to see some good clean (or oily) controlled violence!
I don't want to be the kind of person that attributes every emotion to a biochemical process--I hate people who do that. But I would hazard a guess that your perimenopausal state has a bit to do with it. Mine has played havoc with me. I think it's worse on those of us who have emotional problems in the first place.
I don't know anything about your former friend but I think the key word should be FORMER. They sound like a borderline who doesn't realize they are, black and white thinking and all. Or maybe just sociopathic trash. I don't know, I'm not an expert, but I'd say anyone who causes that much upheaval can't be worth your or anyone else's time.
I'd love to see a good demolition derby--it's been so long! Let's go!
That's the spirit: Controlled oily violence - Wrestling !
I can always tell it's hormonal... if it feels like having a brazilian done over and over again.
The good news, if it's hormonal there is a solution for that.
There is one thing I will never have done in my life--a Brazilian. Not only no, but HELL NO!
The unfortunate thing about synthetic hormones is that in many ways they cause more trouble than they help. I'm not willing to take them. Besides, it's called preMARin (Mare) because it's made from the urine of female horses. Somehow I prefer not to ingest horse piss!
I have trouble not blaming myself when people shit on me too--like every man I was with before N did to me. But with the situation you describe, there is only one word to describe this former friend that hurt you so much: ASS CLOWN! I guess that's actually two words. When you think about it you will probably realize he was an ass clown all along, he just managed to hide it for 5 years. This doesn't sound like a case of someone who's normally a decent person acting out of character, he seems to be a major dick. Stop punishing yourself for his character flaws.
I know, easier said than done. But remember I do know where you're coming from--I'm borderline myself, after all. We just need to support each other and not let people who don't deserve to be in our life hurt us.
Post a Comment