May 8 Blues

Today is mother's day. It is also my son's 21st birthday. He moved back to his apartment last night. He probably wants to spend the day just being there, on his own. He had been living with his dad for the past two weeks while his psycho ex roommate got out. I don't really see any danger of her coming in there while he's there. She'd rather just tell everyone what a bastard he is--that is her M.O. He's having the locks changed because if he wasn't there and she got motivated to walk over there from her grandmother's a few miles away, she might steal something. That would be more her style than shanking someone. 

He had me buy him a case of Guinness in case he decided to have a couple of friends over today. If he doesn't, it will last him about a month. So far I'm not really worried about his drinking although there is alcoholism on both sides of the family.

Yesterday I graduated from the nursing program. I'm glad it's over. People asked me if I was excited. I answered that I was relieved. I'm still wearing these stupid fake fingernails. Two of them have popped off. Even thought they're short they make it hard to type. I wore them because my real nails are ugly with a capital U. I'm not entirely sure what is going on but I probably malnourished myself somehow. My nails are a yellowish color (not thickened, it's not onchomysis--that is, nail fungus) and ridged. I really need to start eating better which currently means not much at all. I am broke. It will probably be a tomato soup, protein shake, and grilled cheese sandwich month. 

I know that this will sound stupid but I also knew it would happen. I am currently depressed. While I was training to do something I don't really want to do but which will be helpful in the long run, my damn already messy house went to shit. I don't know if I'll work on it today or not. I now have hot water, which I'm glad of. I need to start tiling the place. I will never, ever, ever have carpet in that end of the house and once I can start putting things in there again I'm tearing the carpet out of this end too. 

I'm torn on what to do about my dogs. On one hand I'd like to make things work with them. On the other, I think it would be really good for them to go to the Dachshund Rescue in Wyoming and get a home with someone who really likes dogs. I'm not always motivated to walk them and I'm much more of a cat person.

How can you be depressed when you've just achieved a huge goal? I guess it's not really surprising when you have to now look straight in the face the other areas of your fucked up life that you've been ignoring for months.

Wanna know what else is depressing me? Gas prices! It took $50 to fill the gas tank yesterday.
Public transit around here isn't bad in the larger metro area but from my town it doesn't really work. And by the time I get to the park and ride, I'm already in the next town! I would buy an electric car if I could afford one. I'll have to see about financing one on my half-assed credit. Then I'd get rid of the old Ford Escort and keep the Subaru around for snowy days since it's all wheel drive. Maybe I'll look into a car sharing service if they have one in this town.