Wasted, wasted, wasted day. Spent the day avoiding doing this fucking training work that I have no love for but that could help me advance in my j.o.b. Ya-hoo. Also, ruminating on the all important question. Now that Nomde Plume has taken over the task of writing The Next Dark Tower Series (hah!) should Sue Donym even bother to write any more? Sue has a pretty big following on FB, so I'm not going to completely get rid of Sue. There are a few people that know that Sue and Nomde and the Queen of B.S. and Ms. Steria are all me, Faycin A Croud. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens with Sue. We'll probably keep Sue's blog. But what name do I publish the NaNoWriMo novel under once I finally finish it?
Shit, I even pulled out a new name today, a real normal sounding name, specifically for writing these fucking articles for sites like Constant Content and Life 123, who require the kind of writing that makes me feel like I have to shove a corn cob up my ass in order to do it properly. Real stiff, straight-facts stuff. No first person. Now, this kind of writing is really necessary and I reference it all the time. But as far as being such a writer, it's the most boring thing going. I consider this part of the freelancing category rather than the writing category because I feel like it's about as creative as reciting from the dictionary. I'm not saying it doesn't take skill because it takes plenty of skill. I just don't find it very interesting or inspiring. But it's a potential buck, and I can be a slag. Not that most people who do this sort of writing are slags. Just those of us who do it even though we don't enjoy it. Got it?
At any rate, the pen name I created for doing this kind of writing is a combination of my middle name and my mother's maiden name. And it sounds really normal. It sounds like a bookkeeper or a librarian, not like a nut case whack job who sits around communing with the spirit world, doing ceremonies to gain blessings from ancient deities, and writing shit--and fretting about whether or not Sue Donym should even publish again. What a stupid, stupid, mentally fucked soap opera! Only me, folks. Only me.
Guess I forgot to take my evening pills. I mostly control my mental shit using natural stuff like 5 HTP and herbal formulas. The lithium I take is available legally without prescription. Me and prescription drugs do not mix. Antidepressants fuck me up like nobody's business and prescription tranquilizers make me suicidal. I know this stuff works for some people but for me it's a ticket to Loopy Land. And not the good part of Loopy Land either. The part of Loopy Land where I turn into some kind of psycho preacher and scare the crap out of my kid. Thanks, Effexor, you bastard! Even though I still get hella depressed sometimes, with the Lithium I'm on a more even keel and my offspring doesn't have to wonder if he should call the people in white coats to haul my crazy ass to the funny farm.
Doing the rewrite of the Next Dark Tower Series as Nomde Plume has been really exciting and I think The Muse has been enjoying it too. We are so much more free doing it the new way. The other way was stagnating things even though it was ever so much more idealistic and all. Idealism doesn't work in this world. This world is just too fucking evil.
The Inner Bitch-Cunt says this is only because I'm too much of a wuss to be truly honest and to stick to my guns. It is true that I am so full of self-doubt that I am crippled by criticism. It wasn't just because of that one asshole who criticized Sue and Muse, but that troll made me realized that the more publicity Sue's version of the Next Dark Tower got, the more of these shit suckers we'd have to deal with. So we pulled publication and Nomde became the revisionist, with Sue pulling back and becoming an auxiliary figure, a "consultant" on the project.
I was always raised that honesty is the best policy. But sometimes complete honesty ends up making your life miserable. I've been told if it isn't something you can be completely honest about, then you shouldn't be doing it.
Mostly that's true. But there are exceptions to every rule.
