You may have noticed but you probably didn't

Faycin doesn't blog much any more

There's really no reason to

Because nobody cares

High Blood Pressure: Important To Take Care

I got the graphic here. The site talks about causes of hypertension and is worth a read.

This was advice to a fellow blogger who is experiencing serious money problems. When will this shit economy resolve? It really is enough to elevate anyone's blood pressure!

Once you can afford it, invest in a self-monitoring cuff and take your blood pressure at home daily. They usually aren't terribly expensive. It may be entirely situational in your case, but chronic high blood pressure can lead to a stroke. This is what happened to my father and the last six years of his life were very debilitated. I don't like to be an alarmist, but I feel very strongly about this matter because of what happened with my father.

My brother had to start taking blood pressure medicine at 35. He is in a high stress profession (Firefighter/paramedic.) I started having to take it this year at age 46. My blood pressures had gone from being in the 130's over 70's and 80's to being in the 150's or 160's over upper 80's and 90's. For me, high blood pressure is not asymptomatic. I develop anxiety and tinnitus in conjunction with it. 

I take amlodipine besylate, which is a relatively inexpensive medication because it's been around for a while. Initially I experienced a slight drowsiness, which has long since resolved. Blood pressure meds really aren't "slippery slope" type medications. There are many people for whom that's the only thing they take. 

The "slippery slope" meds tend to be psych meds and sometimes prescription pain killers. With the psych meds, people start by taking one med and have to take another to counter the bad effects of the first one. That can end you up with a box of meds. Blood pressure meds, not so much.

I'm a nurse by profession but I don't believe in polypharmacy either. I see a lot of people in the retirement community where I work with a whole tray of meds, but it can be deceptive. Some of these folks like for us to put their vitamins in their med boxes so they don't forget to take them!

Again, sorry if I come off as lecturing. I just feel strongly about the blood pressure issue after what I watched my father went through. It can lead to atherosclerosis and worsen other problems. I hope you get your money very soon!

Happiness, Mood Disorders, and Frenemies

This was a response to a post by James Twerell about negative people.

I wish to qualify that there is a difference between a negative person and an unhappy person, in my opinion. An unhappy person may feel down, but they don't have an agenda to bring others down. A negative person wants people to feel just as crappy as they do, or to make others feel crappy so they can feel better about themselves.

What sucks for someone like me who has a mood disorder is when you don't have any real reason on a logical level to be unhappy but your stupid brain is making you feel like somebody just died. However, getting rid of my "frenemies" (the people who were always telling me the reason I couldn't pursue my interests and who had their own agenda) has helped me. I can be a little more logical about my depressive states now, even when my brain is hell bent on making me feel like being hit like an asteroid would be a pretty good deal.

Spirits, Mental Illness, and Shitty Medical Professionals

This is a response to Dr. Pattie Thomas' comment on this post about having been in a mental ward with very demented people after she made a suicide attempt in despair.

I do hope I wouldn't be lumped in with the scary mentally ill in your mind for the fact that I believe I really have seen a ghost! I was not overly tired, I was not drunk or high, I was not taking any prescription pain killers, but after a lot of unexplained noises, there he was, looking me right in the eye, and there he stayed for a full minute. Never seen one since. But I do understand what you mean, as I was in a similar situation. 

When I was 16 I was in the mental hospital for the longest two days of my life for a para-suicide attempt. I made a bunch of superficial cuts on my wrists. I was diagnosed as a "hysterical neurotic." Great diagnosis, Dr. Fraud! The staff treated me deplorably. I had one nurse tell me that I was a freak, would always be a freak, and people like me would never be normal. I told her better a freak than a bitch like her. Her behavior became even more vile after that, predictably.

What I was in fact was an unhappy girl going through a very difficult time with nobody understanding me and several undiagnosed mental illnesses: bipolar type II (does NOT present with psychosis, for the record) borderline personality disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. But these things would not be properly diagnosed until I was nearly 40.

How Bullying Has Effected My Life

This was in answer to a question on the Fierce Fatties blog about whether we were bullied in school for our weight.

I wasn't bullied for my weight specifically because I didn't become "fat" until I was in my 20's after giving birth to my son, and even then I wasn't actually fat, I was an in-betweenie. However once I started developing hips, my breasts didn't develop at the same rate and I was sometimes teased for having a big butt and no chest, but more often I was bullied simply for existing. The first time I cut myself, I was 16. The first time I made a half-assed OD attempt, I was 13. The so called medical professionals told my parents I was just "looking for attention." The so called psych professionals branded me a "hysterical neurotic." Let's try bipolar disorder type II with borderline personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder, you quacks! 

My childhood was miserable as I was bullied for being white in a mostly Latino school in Albuquerque (the few drops of Cherokee blood didn't help me much with my white as a sheet East European and Scotch/Irish complexion) until I was in the fourth grade, when we moved to Colorado and I went to a school where I was in the racial majority, but now I was being teased for having a twangy accent and buck teeth, as well as for being shy and awkward. All I wanted was for someone to be my friend. Instead at best I got kids who put up with me because their parents told them to. I was very lonely.

I never heard that I was beautiful until I got into high school, and then it was only from guys who wanted to get laid. They didn't care about me at all. I learned to hate myself thoroughly inside and out. To this day it is still hard for me to deal with hateful people and with rejection.

Good Times Bad Times

How does my bipolar self handle finances?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Like the Led Zeppelin song says, no matter how I try I find my way to the same old jam. And with this economy, I can't even afford to buy a new stove or refrigerator. Mine don't work. So I live on things like the Atkins shakes and bars. I go to see my son at night and cook a meal for us so at least I have one meal a day. My family doesn't know how bad off I am but I don't want to lose my home. So I don't say anything. Better living in squalor under my own roof than off the charity of others. Besides, I need my privacy.

Meds are Not One Size Fits All

The cartoon is by funny Bipolar Dude Chato B. Stewart.

The quote I used as a title is from a dear friend.

The post is inspired by a post by Julie Fast on Bipolar Hope about antidepressants and bipolar disorder.

I have bipolar type II, rapid cycling, with sometimes severe depression with suicidal thoughts. I've even had other bipolar people tell me that I *SHOULD* be on an antidepressant. Talk about crazy thinking! The only intelligent thing I've ever heard regarding medications is that "meds are NOT one size fits all." So true. The only time I have ever been manic is when on antidepressants. Otherwise I am "merely" hypomanic. I do not EVER wish to experience true mania again. At one point I jumped up on a kitchen counter and was preaching fire and brimstone at my frightened 13 year old son. I will state that at this point I had not yet been diagnosed as bipolar, since type II is sneaky and the doctor had only seen the crushing depression. He was at any rate a GP, but I had been misdiagnosed by psychiatrists before.

Once again, meds are not one size fits all. For some people, an antidepressant may help. For me, it is a fortunately reversible trip to Loopy Land.

You're Nuts: Lower Your Expectations

This is a response to a post by Melody at BP Hope, who once had a doctor tell her that she needed to adjust (translate: lower) her expectations for life because she was mentally ill.

Melody, when I was 16 I had a doctor tell me that I should forget about going into music or theatre because of my "nervous state." Get this: I was diagnosed as a "hysterical neurotic." What kind of stupid diagnosis is that? In later research of sexism and psychology I discovered I was doing one thing right in my lonely teenage nights: giving myself "hysterical paroxysms," which I was sure I was going to hell for! But seriously, it took 22 more years before I finally received an appropriate diagnosis of type II bipolar disorder. 

It is shocking that this dreadful, narrow minded thinking regarding "teh Crazees" persists into the 21st century. Apparently these so-called "professionals" would like to continue confining those with mental illness to attics and institutions. They don't even stop to think that maybe having a skill or profession that allows us to express ourselves in a positive way might be (gasp!) GOOD for us!

A Correlation Between Mental Illness and Addiction

This is a comment that I left on the Naming and Treating blog.

I have both a mood disorder (bipolar disorder type II) and two personality disorders (borderline personality disorder and OCD) and at this point in my life I can't tolerate alcohol even though I drank a lot when I was younger. I could always stop. This isn't to say the potential wasn't there as there are alcoholics on both sides of my family.

I imagine that similar areas of the brain may be "off" in both addictive personalities and mental illness but I don't know enough about it to say which areas these are. I do know that blaming and shaming never cured anybody of anything, so there needs to be a different approach.