How Bullying Has Effected My Life

This was in answer to a question on the Fierce Fatties blog about whether we were bullied in school for our weight.

I wasn't bullied for my weight specifically because I didn't become "fat" until I was in my 20's after giving birth to my son, and even then I wasn't actually fat, I was an in-betweenie. However once I started developing hips, my breasts didn't develop at the same rate and I was sometimes teased for having a big butt and no chest, but more often I was bullied simply for existing. The first time I cut myself, I was 16. The first time I made a half-assed OD attempt, I was 13. The so called medical professionals told my parents I was just "looking for attention." The so called psych professionals branded me a "hysterical neurotic." Let's try bipolar disorder type II with borderline personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder, you quacks! 

My childhood was miserable as I was bullied for being white in a mostly Latino school in Albuquerque (the few drops of Cherokee blood didn't help me much with my white as a sheet East European and Scotch/Irish complexion) until I was in the fourth grade, when we moved to Colorado and I went to a school where I was in the racial majority, but now I was being teased for having a twangy accent and buck teeth, as well as for being shy and awkward. All I wanted was for someone to be my friend. Instead at best I got kids who put up with me because their parents told them to. I was very lonely.

I never heard that I was beautiful until I got into high school, and then it was only from guys who wanted to get laid. They didn't care about me at all. I learned to hate myself thoroughly inside and out. To this day it is still hard for me to deal with hateful people and with rejection.