Words That Hurt Me

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Following the prompt for the Writers Workshop, here are the words that hurt me.


What they all boil down to are you're no good, don't belong, are worthless.


"I don't want you around any more."
"I don't love you any more."
"You're weird (not in a good way.)"

The fact that I still can't get over the cruel, passive-aggressive behavior of a person I considered my friend for more than five years still haunts me. Their last words to me before refusing to ever communicate with me again were "who cares? I have real problems."

Because, I guess that having a dying father and living with suicide ideation and fighting with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and OCD aren't real problems. And having a house with no running water and damage from a blown water heater and mold growing under the floor weren't real problems. Nope, those are fake problems apparently.

So, I guess I am torn because I really just want to say "what a useless idiot" and have done with it.

But since I thought this person was my friend and I cared about them (although they evidently didn't give a damn about anyone but themselves)

Those words will always hurt me.

Silence of the Blogs

I miss the interaction I used to have on my blogs. I never had a lot of visitors but there were some people who tended to interact with me and there was a rapport. I'm developing that with new people and that's a plus. At least one of the people that I felt close ties with turned out to be a far bigger jerk than I could have possibly imagined. I still don't understand this individual's animosity. But if someone's like that, it's no good hanging onto them--although obviously there's still a part of me that is. One does not need people like that in their life.

I always found it hard to get up and face the day, but it's been harder since my father died. However, it's nearly 11 AM. Time for brunch (translate: last night's leftovers) and pills and working on this damn science report. Only this unit and one more unit and that class is done!

Maybe one day facing the sun won't hurt so much. But it has ever since I was a teenager so I suppose that's kind of wishful thinking. I prefer the night. It hides the tears.