What I'd Do Differently if I had to Go Back to High School

The writing prompt for this week is what would you do differently if you had to go back to high school.

In all honesty, if I were forced to go back to high school now, I would fucking kill either myself or the asshat that made me go back to high school. There were a few fun daze back in my school days, but for the most part, school sucked some serious ass. I was a major outcast. I went to school with a bunch of major fucktards--shallow, bigoted shitheads who thought that their stupid opinions were gospel. There was a rumor going 'round about me that I had three abortions by the time I was in the eighth grade. I did not even know what a blow job was when I was in the eighth grade. I was extremely naive. I joked that I must have missed out on a really big part of my life because I certainly didn't remember these abortions or the sex that led to them.

My first para-suicide happened at thirteen. I swallowed a bottle of aspirin and cut my wrists. I realized later that the hormones of puberty had triggered my bipolar disorder. However the idiot shrink that diagnosed me as a "hysterical neurotic" when I was 16 really took the cake. I guess I should have had a hysterical paroxysm and cured myself. Oh wait--I had threesomes fairly regularly which took care of that problem. I just got together with Righty and Lefty at night when the folks thought I was sleeping! I was a very handy gal in my younger years though naive as hell and a virgin until I was 16 and thought I'd found Mr. Right. I also thought I was going to hell for my actions but I couldn't seem to stop my sinful thoughts about the (usually much older) dudes that I thought were so fine.

That was way too much information right there and I've told you all about what DID happen to me in high school. I was pretty unhappy and if it hadn't been for my pals Drugs, Booze, and Rock and Roll, I probably wouldn't have survived. On one hand (no pun intended) I liked sex, on the other hand, I wanted it to be devoted, loving sex and most guys weren't ready for that. So I got hurt a lot and I hurt myself a lot. But here you are all saying "yes, Faycin, that's what DID happen. So what would you do differently if you had to go to high school now?"

Well, if I'd just told you that straight out, this would have been a really short post. Because the answer is pretty short. There are a couple of things that I would do different. The first, and possibly most important is this:

I WOULD NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT ANY OF THOSE SHITHEADS I WAS SURROUNDED WITH THOUGHT OR SAID ABOUT ME!!!

I would simply go about my business and learn what I needed to learn. 

The second difference is this:

I WOULD FOCUS ON MY GOALS, INCLUDING THE GOAL OF BEING ABLE TO LIVE INDEPENDENTLY.

At my advanced age I am still dependent on help from family members for many things. I had too many pie in the sky ideas when I was young and did not have the self-confidence to really pursue any of them. As I've said before, Younger Me was a silly twit who needs a damn good whacking. I am still in search of a time machine so I can go back and kick my ass as I so richly deserve for my youthful stupidity.

Humor Time: The Girls Don't Fart Myth

First, read the funny advice from Funny Guy of Guyspeak regarding whether or not a woman should hold in her farts.

Then read my comment.

I once read somewhere that women fart more while sleeping and our farts contain more methane. I'm not currently in a relationship and my adult son moved to his own apartment so I let rip freely as necessary. I agree that there's a time and a place to hold it in until one can get to a private place to let go, but other than that, please. Everyone cuts the cheese. If you have to let go, let go!

BTW, when my son was in high school he wanted to be the gentleman and thus held it in so as not to offend his female classmates--then saved it up for the ride home with me! Thanks, Sonny!

Faycin is Seeing Stars and Emulating them Too

Stars that you will find in this post:

Red Giant Star

A white dwarf star

A Rock star

Reality TV "stars" (more like a cultural black hole)

Well, at least if one is going to have an erotic dream, it is best if one's partner is not repulsive. The unfortunate thing is that often when I have this type of dream, the partner is someone that I would not touch with a ten foot pole. At least in this case they were someone who is not repulsive. However when I woke up, I had to laugh, because my first thought was "yeah, THAT would happen--so not!"

Nikki Sixx is a cool guy and he's not bad looking at all. But I must say, I am not his type. Not even because I'm overweight and have my own natural boobs, but because I'm not abusive enough. This guy only goes for women who will eventually take a crap on his emotions. His last girlfriend was Kat von D--really, dude? Kat von D?--Who at any rate, dumped him for Jesse Shames because she thought that it was "hot" that Jesse is the most hated man in America.

Faycin and Nikki Sixx--do I think we'd be chums if we met? Yes, I do. We tend to find the same things interesting, and, as I said, he actually is a nice guy. Do I think we'd, even in the wildest of circumstances, be an item? No, I do not. Faycin is too much of a nice gal.

There are people out there--both male and female--who are only attracted to those who are going to abuse them. I used to be like that. I used to find guys who were totally emotionally unavailable and pursue them so I could fix them. At this point I do not want any romantic relationships because I know I only get involved in fucked up ones. 

Of course, one of these days hell may in fact freeze over, and Nikki Sixx and Faycin may meet and find out we don't want to be abused emotionally any more and will settle down in a glorious middle aged sex fest that everyone will hope and pray we aren't sick or stupid enough to release as a sex tape.

Honestly--how anyone could think that other people actually want to watch them having sex is beyond me.

Of course, I tend to be kind of asexual in my waking life, so it really doesn't matter anyhow.

Besides, I'm having such a horrifying time with perimenopause that the last thing I feel is sexy. I go five weeks between visits from Aunt Flo, but when the bitch comes, she stays for two weeks! 

Comparing women to stars, this is the "red giant" phase of the female life cycle. Everything is expanding. The length between Aunt Flo visits is growing longer, but the visits last for a longer time and are heavier. NOT FUN! I await the "white dwarf" phase when it's all done and over with and I can put Aunt Flo into her tomb for good!